Mein Kampf pt. 2

I appreciate all the wise words that have been given so far. I'm reminded of what it says in the book of James:

Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, cause you know that the testing faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I can say with confidence that I believe that the enemy will manifest a multitude of feelings and make you say almost anything in an effort to convince and defeat you. This is a trial something that I'm not comfortable with. Although the majority of people my age are already living on their own. I on the other hand could live close to home for the rest of my life and be perfectly content.

This matter is not settled yet I'm in the process of preparing to go before the Lord and seek his answer. whether it be leave or stay.

Mein Kampf

If you know German you know what that means if not it means my struggle. I'm a sinner saved I know it I'm confident of it.

I don't know that I've ever had such a hard time these past few days, weeks and months here at seminary. Both times in driving back to Wake Forest I've been completely beside myself overwhelmed in tears. I know that to walk in the will of God can be at times a struggle times but is it supposed this "hard." My fear is that my call to ministry was nothing more than a way to get attention at church camp.

I welcome all the counsel that is out there from my comrades in arms in the blogsphere. For me right now it seems that my prayers go no further that the ceiling tiles. Nothing seems to make sense for me anymore.

Return of the Scotsman

Well I've returned mentally beaten and bruised my absence from the blogsphere has been...yes from writing my first major exegesis. All I can say at this moment is I did it. Its no earth shattering theological work. In fact there is more scholarly notes in it almost to the point of feeling guilty. I cited and gave credit were credit was due but still felt like I should have had more to say. I can say that when I was done typing my brain felt empty.


In reading Mark Driscoll's blog I see the [JV Catholics(Episcopals) as my Grandfather referred to them as] have slipped one more step towards complacency and apathy in electing their first women bishop to preside over the church as a whole. Not to mention one who condones homosexuality as a accepted practice. Who says in an article that: She believes the church should ordain gays and bless same-sex couples, though she insists she won't impose her views on others.

Excuse me but what form of the scriptures does she read from?????

Where have all the male leaders of the church gone???.....fishing perhaps...and not for men...methinks?

rekindling the fire

I title this post as it describes my situation and my current state of being. I know those you who read my chronicle will say didn't you post something to the effect of a "turning point" I must be honest and say that even as I wrote that I was keeping something back. That something was a habitual sin almost an addiction of sorts. As of last week I put it out of my life now and with God's help for good.

Having that in my life and not fully acknowledging it (even worse consciously doing it) made my life one big bowl of slime. I honestly felt dirty and unworthy to call myself a child of the one true God. This all came upon me by listening to words of John Piper as he was progressing through a study of Romans.

That is where I am at the moment. Another failing in me is for the longest time my journey so far here at seminary has been one of "look at me, I'm going to be a pastor" I must remember that this will never be about me

I won't post my prayer requests in this forum, but if you'd like to know what to pray about for just comment indicating and I'll be glad to tell.

I must adamantly recommend John Piper his daily podcast is on iTunes or through the link above.

A Change of Season......

With a brief winter's chill in the morning air it is more than apparent that Fall is in full swing with winter not far behind. Its mornings and evening like these that remind me of my college days although not so far behind me they feel like a distant memory. Nights spent walking upon cherokee damn sometimes in deep theological discussion other times about nothing at, simply what was bugging me and how I was dealing with it.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind my life and have it to do all over again with the same experiences, the same friends, and everything in between; but then I snap back in to the here and now and realize all the responsibilites that lay before me.

but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain

- American Beauty