If you know German you know what that means if not it means my struggle. I'm a sinner saved I know it I'm confident of it.
I don't know that I've ever had such a hard time these past few days, weeks and months here at seminary. Both times in driving back to Wake Forest I've been completely beside myself overwhelmed in tears. I know that to walk in the will of God can be at times a struggle times but is it supposed this "hard." My fear is that my call to ministry was nothing more than a way to get attention at church camp.
I welcome all the counsel that is out there from my comrades in arms in the blogsphere. For me right now it seems that my prayers go no further that the ceiling tiles. Nothing seems to make sense for me anymore.
7 comments:
You are my first blog I read in the google blogger. We have something in common....We are saved through Jesus Christ.
Something it is very different it is that you are already few step ahead of me. You are studying theology just as the same age my youth pastor did. I know that it is not easy going to seminary. My pastor spent 11 yrs to get 2 degrees. He shared it was a journey, but he gave thanks. He was doing it as his desire to be there. I think Satan and challenges wouldn't make any easy for people that do God's work. Where is your heart? How important God is for you right now?
Another question inresponse to your entry, do you experience God's reality and truth along your studies?
Is your mind set on physical (material)? How will you follow God there? I don't mean you need to neglect the materialistic world, but how much is enough for you to show your faith and not turn one of them. We are trying to let the materialistic peole to see God, if this is our goal.
Is your mind set on yourself or to your boss' company?
Majority of sucessful company select employees that know how to think after the company rather than after themself. God already allowed you to be his servant. Are you asking God to fire you?
Something I love from my youth pastor, he likes to keep things simple and organized, where we can see clearly the basic truth. I hope you the best and keep your eyes upon the Lord. Pray that you want to keep God's attention more than people.
Even though no one listen or care for you. God has been and is there for you all the time.... All you need is to come to him in humbleness and willing to try to love Him more than people's attention.
People's attention don't give you eternal life...maybe eternal suffering.
Hope reading the letter of Peter reminds you that you are not the first one to suffer and want to give up...
It may be comforting for you to know that you are not alone in these kinds of feelings. Most of us struggle with them, some more than others.
I have found that when I get to feeling this way that the most spiritual thing I can do is to take a nap.
jclvhs~ very interesting concepts I'll definitely stew over these over the next few days.
Kevin~thank you for your words. I'd have to say I'm one that probably struggles more.
jclvhs~ in essence what I was trying to say was did I really hear God prompting me to go into full-time ministry service or was it just self produced fabrication.
j-
god did some amazing things with concord, forming us and calling us through a beautiful expression of an imperfect church. don't discount them or lean toward doubt in god's call. the call to 'full time ministry' is something that i feel we all should be impressed with at some time or another (more often than not). also, it doesn't equate to seminary. ministry should be every day for us as believers, and it would be unfair to the father and your own heart to add seminary as an expectation that equals full time ministry or has to happen in order for 'full time ministry' to happen. to quote paul (one who knew a small amount about ministry), "i am a new creation--the old has gone, the new has come." therefore, we are ministers of the gospel because we have been transformed (not because we know greek or hebrew now). however, seminary can be a great tool for equipping and preparation. it's a great chance to hone your study skills and preaching skills and bo-staff skills. keep plugging away until you feel that god is asking you to go elsewhere or to leave. as long as your heart is to please him, he will be faithful to order your steps and instruct you with a perfect measure of grace and truth.
peace
nate sharp
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